I quit DJing to save my own life, then found my way back.

In 2018, I walked away from my music career to save my life after a 10 year struggle with addiction and mental health. This is the story of how I rebuilt my mental health, overcame addiction, rediscovered music, and created the tonic to help DJs and electronic music producers thrive behind the scenes.

Breaking Point

In March 2018, I quit DJing and stopped producing electronic music.

It wasn’t a choice I wanted to make. It was a choice I made because I didn’t know how much longer I could keep living the way I was.

I was depressed and anxious, and panic attacks were a part of my almost daily life. I was smiling and telling people I was fine. The truth was this: my life looked good from the outside, I was always the life of the party, yet I was fucking struggling.

If I wasn’t anxious about the future, I was ruminating on the past. I was mentally beating myself up for what I did wrong (or what I didn’t do right), and nothing I did ever felt good enough. In short, my head was a mess, and I was battling an addiction that I kept passing off as “just having a good time.”

Focus and productivity were distant friends. My sleep patterns were fucked. I’d often crash late, wake up wrecked, and live on coffee just to feel human again. By night, I was winding down the “fun” way: a drink to take the edge off, which usually turned into two or more. My life was playing on a loop I didn’t like and didn’t want to arrange.

Gigs most weekends meant more than a few drinks, a line of coke here, an ecstasy pill there, essentially whatever assortment of party drugs was available. This often resulted in losing a night (or more) of sleep. Every Monday I’d make promises to myself that I couldn’t keep by Friday: “I’ll have a quiet one next weekend…”

Yeah. Like, how many times have you said that to yourself?

I was constantly on the go, always getting shit done, but not actually getting anywhere. Producing my own music was supposed to be the focus, but sitting down in front of a blank project (or returning to a half-finished idea) felt like walking into a storm of self-doubt. I’d tweak a bassline or a drum group for hours, chasing perfection and never feeling satisfied. Tracks got finished, eventually. But nothing I did ever felt good enough.

My mind and body were at breaking point. I’d pushed through for long enough. Something had to give.

Walking Away

So I walked away.

I sold my DJ gear, my speakers, audio interface, and MIDI controller. I uninstalled Ableton and stopped paying monthly subscriptions for samples. Beatport and SoundCloud became distant friends. The hard drive full of half-finished tracks was put aside. I let go of a dream I’d been holding onto since I was a kid and focused on getting my head (and my life) back together.

Truth be told, I walked away not knowing if I’d ever return. But deep down, I had a feeling I would. How and when were uncertain. I simply had to trust that walking away now would eventually lead me back to the thing I loved most.

I didn’t know it at the time, but that decision marked the beginning of a seven-year journey of healing and rebuilding. It wasn’t until early 2024 that I stumbled back into music, almost by accident.

My Current Reality

My life now is completely different:

• No more anxiety

• No more depression

• Zero medication to keep me stable.

• No longer hooked on drugs or alcohol

I’m focused. I’m productive. I’m fucking happy.

I hardly drink. I can have a couple socially, and maybe every few months I’ll choose a night out. Almost always out of choice, not because my rubber arm got twisted and I found myself doing lines off a stranger’s kitchen bench at 6am (because let’s face it, many of us have been there).

I’m back in the studio with a clear mind, rebuilding everything from a grounded place.

Why Am I Sharing This?

I’m sharing this story because I know I’m not the only one who’s faced these challenges. I’m also honest enough to say that I’m not perfect. I’m not the guy demanding you go sober (unless that’s truly what you want for yourself). I’m the guy who turned his life and headspace around without medication and without having to swear off everything forever.

Many of us got into electronic music because of unforgettable nights out. Seeing an incredible DJ play, then kicking on once the music stops, watching the sunrise with a new best mate you met on the dance floor. It connected us to others in ways we’d never experienced before. It gave us space to release, to have fun, to let go. It healed us. Electronic music became the soundtrack to memories we’ll never forget.

Do I personally believe in never experiencing that again? No.

But if it’s happening more than you’d like?

If your lifestyle is impacting your ability to do what you want in your music career?
If your consumption of alcohol and/or drugs is eating away at your mental or physical health?
If you’re stressed, worried, depressed or anxious?
If you ever wonder how much longer you can keep going like this?

Welcome. the tonic was designed for you.

the tonic: shaping a healthier culture for electronic music

I created the tonic because I know this: another plugin, another production course, another hit record, even a dream gig: none of it matters much if the human behind it (that’s you!) is suffering.

For years, I convinced myself these were the missing pieces. When I get ______ then I’ll be happy. When I play at ______ venue or release on ______ label, then I’ll be happy. Yes, doing the work to hit your goals matters. Celebrating those moments matters too. But if you’re not right mentally? If your health is suffering? If you’re battling yourself just to make it through the day while barely holding it all together?

That’s an insidious problem. One that quietly destroys you.

It’s not limited to those just starting out either. You could be already touring the world and releasing music on your favourite labels, and still be struggling. Professional success does not guarantee mental well-being. It doesn’t guarantee happiness. In many cases, professional success adds even more pressure to someone who is already struggling. And, when you combine that pressure with the typical lifestyle of an electronic music artist, it becomes clear why so many struggle.

Because let’s face it: the typical lifestyle of a electronic music artist doesn’t exactly scream “healthy” by most societal standards. So what can be done?

What the tonic Offers

Here’s what I learned: if your mind and body aren’t working at full capacity, if you’re running on empty, edging toward burnout, relying on alcohol or drugs, and somehow finding the willpower to keep pushing through, it’s a sign your approach isn’t sustainable. It might be effective. But without a mind and body that’s working for you, your life (and career) will remain a constant uphill battle.

This website and soon to be community (with big dreams of becoming a full-blown publication!) exists for what happens behind the scenes. It’s for when the music stops, the lights come up, and everyone goes home. Including you. It’s what happens between the gigs and studio sessions. It’s for the human behind the music.

This isn’t about the technical side of music production or how to land your dream gigs. There are already incredible humans covering that ground. the tonic is about your mental, emotional, and physical health and overall well-being. It’s the antidote to the thoughts that creep in when no one’s around. The comparison spiral. The self-doubt. The “am I good enough?” loop. The social anxiety. The drug and alcohol use you call “just having fun,” but which may be controlling you more than you’re controlling it.

It’s about addressing anything that eats away at your health and well-being. Anything that prevents you from creating and playing electronic music with ease. Anything that prevents you from actually enjoying the entire journey, not you quietly suffering whilst the rest of the world enjoys your highlight reel.

Experience Meets Guidance

I’ve lived both sides of this: the chaos and the clarity. I know what it’s like to burn out chasing the next high, and I know what it’s like to rebuild from the ground up. I’ve been the one behind the decks at 4am, and I’ve also been the one who chose to walk away to survive.

I’ve also got two decades of experience in training, coaching, and mentoring, so I’m here to help you navigate it too. What I share isn’t theory. It’s lived experience. I’ll share what I’ve learned to help you take care better care of your mind and body. Doing this will enable you to pour even more of yourself into what you love, having the energy and focus to create with ease, perform better, even sleep well (even if it’s only for a few hours before the next flight)! It’s about finding happiness that isn’t always tied to your next gig, record release, or night out.

Learning to put yourself first so you can have a long, fulfilling career in electronic music is the game here. My hope is to reshape the way electronic music producers and DJs approach their health and well-being, including their inner world, so they don’t burn out, quit, or lose themselves along the way.

And soon, when the people are ready, give our community a space to talk openly about the challenges so many face, without judgement.

Welcome to the tonic.